Sunday, May 13, 2007

Birthmother poem

Mother's Day
By Jennifer Wilson-Pines

One day a year,
The inevitable card, a dinner.
Mediocre chocolates in a box
elaborate enough to satisfy
a three-year-old's discerning taste.

Every day is mother's day
The hands stretched up for a hug,
pizza smeared kisses,
the soft warm weight
tucked in to my arms
trustingly surrendered to sleep.
Even the tired tantrums.

I am a mother
every second of the day.
My daughter is stitched
into every fiber of my life.
I love her with an intensity
that took me by surprise.
Surpassed only by the fear
of losing her.

But she has another mother,
The woman in the mirror,
The shadow, who comes
and goes through invisible doors.

You first felt her stir, roll
and kick inside you.
The contraction that announced
her impending arrival,
heard the first cry, touched
the downy fuzz on her head,

And left her.

And I grapple with this,
As she will sooner than I wish.

Without you, I would not be a mother.
Your loss and hers is my gain.
I honor you by loving her
shiny black hair, rosebud mouth,
She is made of you,
how could I not?

How could I understand
That a few days after her birth,
in the deep of winter,
she was left outside.

When she cries in fear or anger,
"I'm cold,"
I am seized with a rage
as icy and unforgiving
as that January night.

When she tells me the life story
of our formerly feral cat
is the same as hers,
I want to weep,
that I can't change it
or make it go away.

Can I say I would never do the same?
Judge not…..

Perhaps it was the desperation
of a mother
who throws her children
from a burning building.
Hoping and praying
that someone will catch them.
That they will be safe.
Perhaps, perhaps,
I will never know.

Do you miss her,
wonder at what might have been,
where is she now?

Our daughter is dancing, far away,
dressed in a Cinderella blue gown.
Serving tea to a stuffed turtle,
singing songs of her own invention.
You will never hear her voice.
She will never see your face.

She is neither you or me.
She is the third way,
already crafting her own story.
You gave her life,
I give her a future.

Happy Mother's Day.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

LINKS to sites, adoption stories, shopping and other things of interest...
(It's been brought to my attention that sometimes the links do not work, if you have any difficulty, try pasting the link into your browser)

894A13751951E43366A80F59FBE33796?ID=33222 --this one has tons of great blog links

CHINA RESEARCH BLOG: --fascinating blog written by Brian Stuy who interviewed two birthmothers who abandoned their daughters --he is also able to obtain copies of abandoned children's finding ads

My hometown: A page for children adopted in China to learn about their home towns and home provinces


Link to find any group:



Chinese schools:

Chinese symbols:

China Adoption News:



BABY NAME SITES: popularity --possibly the best --chinese numerology naming guide --tons of links hospital births site –french names --WOW!! --long list of just names, no meanings

Journeys from the Heart
Living Hope:
Hope for Children:
Adoption House:

book called Snow Flower and the SecretFan


Articles about effect of Beijing Olympics:,,3-1628199,00.html

Jewelry and scrapbooking

Adoption announcements:
Traditional chinese dresses:
Cross stitch patterns:
Cross stitch pattern "red thread"
Adoption scrapbook stuff:
Baby bedding:

Just for fun ladybug game:


All I Really Want For Christmas
By Steven Curtis Chapman, (ChangDe dad)
Well, I don't know if you remember me or not
I'm one of the kids they brought in from the Home
I was the red-haired boy in an old, green flannel shirt
You may not have seen me, I was standing off alone
I didn't come and to talk to you `cause that's never worked before
And you'll probably never see this letter anyway
But just incase there's something you can do to help me out
I'll ask you one more time


All I really want for Christmas is someone to tuck me in
A shoulder to cry on if I lose, shoulders to ride on if I win
There's so much I could ask for,but there's just one thing
I needAll I really want for Christmas – is a family…
Well, I guess I should go ahead and tell you now
If it's really true about that list you have
Somehow I always seem to end up in a fight
But I'm really trying hard not to be bad
But maybe if I had a brother or a dad to wrestle with
Maybe they could teach me how to get along
And from everything I've heard it sounds like the greatest
Gift on earth --- Would be a mom.


All I really want for Christmas is someone who'll be there
To sing me Happy Birthday for the next 100 years
And it's ok if they're not perfect or even if they're
A little brokenThat's alright, cuz so am I
Well, I guess I should go, it's almost time for bed
And maybe next time I write you I'll be at home


"I Will" by The Beatles
Who knows how long I've loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to--I will.
For if I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same.
Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together
Love you when we're apart.
And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
You know I will
I will.

"Steal Away Child" by Elton John
Steal away child into your dreams
Where nothing is ever the way that it seems
I gave you your life, you gave me your trust
I've no wish to hurt you but hurt you I must
Steal away child, turn down your light
Steal away into the night
Steal away child to the land of the lies
Where love lasts forever and hope never dies
Sit safe for a place peaceful and calm
Where no one and nothing can harm you
Steal away child, you'll be alright
Steal away into the night
Once more goodnight, one last goodbye
Trying hard not to show how I'm making
what it's taking not to cry
Steal away child, sleeping so still
Our love is too precious for distance to kill
But when you awake, morning has come
I won't be the one you turn to
I'll do what I must before it gets light
I'll steal away into the night

To his daughter by an adopting dad...
There was a spark of pure love
Among an ocean of stars
Some saw it faintly
but most not at all
A tiny child waiting
So lonely, so small
At the far western end
Of the greatest of walls
That great barrier built
To keep strangers away
Will lead us right to you
Will show us the way
Our love burns so brightly
Born from that spark
This perpetual flame grows
Now the brightest of stars
Look up tonight, dear
See the stars in the sky
We'll do the same
And we'll share that tonight
And wrap your arms around Auntie
and hold her so tight
For she'll keep you warm
Until we can arrive
She'll bundle you up, dear
with her hopes and her dreams
Yes, an American princess
With a spirit, Chinese
She'll pack all your memories
and wrap you with tears
She'll hand you to strangers
and deny all her fears
Then she'll look to the sky
For the brightest of lights
And she'll see your beauty
just as we will tonight
One land so poor, dear
One land so rich
It depends where you're standing
As to which one is which
We once were poor too, dear
We'll soon all be rich
For the love that we'll share, Sarah
Will change that wall to a bridge
~John McReynolds


Were You Born Today?
Were you born today across the ocean deep and blue?
Did someone wrap you warmly? Did they stop and gaze at you?

Did they look upon your almond eyes and touch your silken hair?
Did they stop to kiss each tiny toe, hear your breath upon the air?

Did you hear a soft voice comforting, securely in her arms?
The warmth of two souls bonding, Oh, the lure of newborn charms.

Were they charmed by every movement; every yawn and stretch and pout?
Did they celebrate with handshakes and good spirits all about?

(Or were the tears mistaken, as they fell upon your face?
Their eyes were wells of sorrow? Their heads hung in disgrace?

Did they tremble when they realized the thing that would be done?
Did they mourn the new day coming, with the rising of the sun?)

Did they place you, oh so tenderly, in the place where you were found?
Were those blankets wrapped up tightly to deny the cold, hard ground?

Did she whisper words of comfort with a love that was so deep?
Did she recognize the features of this one she could not keep?

Did you feel the night wind blowing as it carried in the morn?
Did you hear your mother weeping on the day that you were born?

And here across the ocean a mother weeps for you.
How long before she travels `cross that ocean, deep and blue?

How long before she gazes at those little dimpled hands?
How long before she travels to that promised, distant land?

Her heart is filled with gladness. Her dreams are coming true.
The secret thrill of motherhood, across that ocean deep and blue.

And she'll gaze upon your almond eyes and touch your silken hair.
She'll stop and kiss each tiny toe, feel your breath upon the air.

And you'll hear a soft voice comforting; the worlds so insecure.
Two fragile souls are bonding as they hold each other near.

She'll be charmed by every movement; every yawn and stretch and pout.
And she'll celebrate with handshakes and good spirits all about.

And you'll hear the night wind blowing as she rocks you off to sleep.
And she'll whisper words of comfort, with a love that is so deep.

.....And far across the ocean a mother weeps.....

-Mary E. McRae7-13-04

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Letter to adopted child...

This was posted by a parent on APC I believe and I thought it was excellent. I think it is wonderful the way it is written to the 2nd grader level in a way that would be likely to make a child feel empowered. It has been redacted for personal info:

Dear Child:
Today you will meet your 2nd grade teacher, Ms. ______. When school starts on Monday you will meet new friends in your class.Wow, 2nd grade already! Your Mom and I are very proud of you. As you grow into a bigger girl, we need to talk about big girl things. Someday you will hear some things that could hurt your feelings if you are notprepared. So let's talk about it and prepare you.You know how in your adoption story we taught you things are sometimes hard in China, and that we don't know your birth-mom or birth-dad or why they couldn't keep you, but we think maybe they loved you but had to let you go? Remember how wonderful adoption is because it builds a forever family? And remember how Mom and I are your REAL parents and our family is forever? Well, some kids don't understand that. They haven't learned as much as youknow about adoption, and they don't know anything about China. In fact, you know more about it now at 7 years old than most adults. So kids that don't understand might say things like "Those aren't your real parents!" But you know that we are. Kids might say "Your real mom and dad didn't want you!" But you know they just don't know what they are talking about. Kids might say "Being adopted isn't as good as me." But you know that adoption is just the way a family is formed, and you are our daughter forever. NOBODY is better than you. Why do kids say mean things like that? Well, just like you, when they are learning new things, they seem to have little boxes in their head that tell them how things are supposed to be. When they see something that doesn't fit what they have learned, they say so, even if it sounds mean. So you see,kids might say dumb things about adoption because they haven't been taught what it really means. Some adults have never learned either. In fact, you will hear the word "adoption" used in different ways. Did you know many words have several different meanings? You know you are a kid. But did you know "kid" also means a baby goat? Did you know "kid" means to joke around with someone? Do children, baby goats and joking around have anything at all to do with one another? No, of course not. That is just the way the word "kid" is used. It's the same with the word "adopt." A city might "adopt" a new law. A group of thoughtful citizens might "adopt" a stretch of highway to clean up the litter. At Christmas your class might "adopt" a needy family and collect gifts for them. Someone you know might "adopt" a cat or dog or other pet. And since most kids haven't learned about adoption yet, they might tease you about being adopted like a highway. But does adopting a highway to clean up mean the same thing as a family being formed by adoption? No, of course not. Those are just different ways the word is used in the world, and it means something totally different. Kids just haven't learned what the word means in different uses, and some adults never learn either. So when you hear teasing like that, you know that you have learned things others just don't know, and their teasing comes from not knowing. If someone is mean to you because they don't know what adoption means, it isimportant for you to remember not to feel bad for yourself, feel bad for THEM because they don't know about adoption. We don't call people names,that isn't nice, but you can tell them:"You don't know what you are talking about." Or " You should learn aboutadoption and what it really means."Or if they insist on being mean you could tell them: "That's private to my family, it's none of your business." And if someone is mean to you about adoption over and over, talk to your teacher and ask if she can explain to them about adoption and what it really means, because they need to learn about such important things.You already know you should be proud to be from China. You have two countries, two cultures, two histories. It will take kids some time to understand that part that makes you so special. But never-ever let kids who don't know about adoption or China make you feel bad about yourself even though they try. You just know more than they do. Maybe they will learn some day and understand that you are just as much our daughter as if you grew in Mom's tummy, and adoption is just they way our family was formed. And it's our beeswax, anyway, isn't it?

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